if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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