we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
did i just pee glitter
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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