Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
