i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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