i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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