So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
