I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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