pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
