How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
