I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
