he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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