I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My penis needs a shock collar
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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