Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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