He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
