You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
