well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
