yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
