Grow some girl-balls and come out already
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
