I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Holy shit dude........stairs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
