my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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