nutella sex= disaster
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
