I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
