why didn't you poke me back
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
