I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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