The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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