I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
