I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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