I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
