the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
