I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
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Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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