i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you never un-have a 4some
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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