i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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