Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize