there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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