I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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