If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
