I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
NoShamevember. You game?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I touched a dick in church today
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
