I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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