what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
