he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
