he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
