I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
