I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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