oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
