Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
