it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
