nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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