I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
