I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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