I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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