Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
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the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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