u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
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You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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