That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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