Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
