I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
