If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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