i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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