I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
