I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
