I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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