So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
