The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
