Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life