those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.