Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.