I think I won the penis lottery.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!