I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
