No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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