Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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