i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
as a side note pls kill me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
