i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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