We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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