Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
