I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
